


Dementia

by BigScaryDinos



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Instability, Ramsay is his own warning, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-05-05 23:23:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 2,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5394071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigScaryDinos/pseuds/BigScaryDinos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>de·men·tia  <i>((dəˈmen(t)SH(ē)ə/))</i><br/>a chronic or persistent disorder of the mental processes caused by brain disease or injury and marked by memory disorders, personality changes, and impaired reasoning.</p><p>Theon might be a jumper. Ramsay is a pusher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. honeysuckle

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I'll keep up on Teen Idle. I promise. I just gotta let some things blow over and let that story work it's way back into me.

 

Long thin fingers dig into a brown paper bag. He pulls out a jelly baby  _ [yellow]  _ and sucks it from his fingertip. His eyes are _[_ _ faded] _ blue and his hair is the color of peroxide stains. His ass is barely on the lip of the trash bin - huge, metal, dripping with moisture. It’s hazy. Sticky in the heat and condensation that seems to make the temperature even worse. 

 

Ramsay eyes him quietly from the  _ [back]  _ doorway of his shop. His eyes narrow into slits against the smoke before him. It’s empty in the hollow between all the tall endlessly similar buildings. This deserted little cubicle inside the city  _ [inside a universe, inside a lifetime]  _  and he thinks for the first time simply :  _ [I could have]  _ ** him ** . 

 

When he moves  _ [awkwardly]  _ to stand up and toss the  _ [empty] _ brown bag into the bin behind him he rattles. A small cylindrical shape in his back pocket. The perfect shape for a  _ [pill]  _  bottle. 

 

_ [What’s wrong with you?] _


	2. aster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The aster is a flower with a bit of a wild appearance, but it fits nicely in many garden settings...asters continue to attract bees and butterflies long after most other flowers have disappeared._

_((What isn’t wrong with me))_

 

He works with his father _((still))_. Resigned and heavy hearted he works in a building _((exactly like all the others))._ He thinks why _((didn’t I leave home? Travel? Marry? Fuck? Die?))_. Life is regular with smoke breaks in between those moments he’s not too busy stuffing half dead fish into vases and pressing plants into them. _((It’s all so depressing))._

 

He’s been on Xanax for anxiety since he’s been twelve. It’s been _((ten and a half))_ years since he recalls not having those little yellow pills _((on him at all times))_. He sucks his teeth, he eats sweets and smokes off brand cigarettes and tries to tell himself that everything is okay. _((It’s not))_.

 

There are bad things, when he has a stressful day he makes lists. Sometimes he just makes them for fun. He wonders why women never really stay. Or men. Or anyone really. So he makes a list today as he sucks jelly babies off his sticky fingers.

 

.He has to bring them to his father’s apartment to fuck.

.His face is all fucked up from when he was little _((and his father broke his  nose & cheekbone)) _.

. _((If he can get them to the bedroom they see his))_ collection of medications- they run.

 

This spins him into another list.

 

_((Trazodone once daily at hs))_

_((Seroquel once daily in the afternoon))_

_((Xanax PRN Q4hrs))_

_((Prilosec once daily in the morning))_

_((Melatonin three tabs PRN at night for insomnia))_

_((Metoprolol B.I.D))_

_((Zyprexa once daily at hs))_

 

He tosses the bag into a corner and forgets about it and never notices somebody watching him.

 

 


	3. blue ranunculus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The blue ranunculus is a rare, beautiful, but dangerous flower. Every part of this plant is poisonous if ingested and your skin may get irritated or you may have an allergic reaction if you handle the plant. So make sure you wear gloves when working in the garden._

“Hello”

 

He jumped  _ [miles] _ into the air  _ [and he rattled] _ .  He turned to face **him** , and the features fell into place. 

 

Chapped lips _[so dry it hurt to look]_ , cracks through his fingernails, scabs _[sick dark brown]_ up and down his arm _[infected]._

 

_ [What’s wrong with you?] _

 

“I’m Ramsay.” He did not put his hand out. He didn’t want to _[catch anything_ ]. 

 

“Theon” His voice matched him. All bones and thin sickly sounding noises. 

 

_[I want to say]_ “Nice to meet you” _[but it’s not]_. 

 

“Likewise.”

 

Silence until it becomes unbearable and Theon’s _[left]_ eye twitches twice for good measure.

 

“I work over there, with my father.”

 

“What’s over there?”

 

“Florist mostly. But we do those fish in the vases with the plants.”

 

_ [What?] _

 

“The fish are suppose to eat the roots.”

 

“Do they?” 

 

 

“Not always.”

 

“Then what?”

 

“They die I guess.”


	4. Lisianthus

_((I’m not drunk enough for this))_. He’s standing there in the doorway of the Flayed Man tattoo and piercing parlor. He’s never been in a parlor before. The carpet is _((blood))_ red. Ramsay’s eyes are _((too))_ blue. It clashes and he sees too many colors shifting. _((He fingers the Xanax in his back pocket and-))_

 

“Are you ready?” 

 

He’s conditioned to sit down where he’s told and look straight ahead because he doesn’t know any better. Ramsay’s watching him and it makes his stomach _((flip))_ hurt. His fingers clutch the leather arm rest. 

 

Fingers brush against his ear. 

 

“What did you want again?” 

 

_ ((fuck)) _

 

“Just a basic - “

 

“Not a lobe. Please don’t say lobe. So vanilla you can get it done at the mall for half the price - and I’m not charging you anything. So take advantage of me.”

 

Theon lifts his fingers to his ear _((offended?))_ and he touches the thin jutting edge of cartilage inside his ear. “Just this.” _((He can’t be vanilla))_ For some reason he cares what a stranger thinks of him enough to get needles inserted into him. _((Was that the point?))_. The bottle in his back pocket is hurting his ass. 

 

Ramsay smiles and pulls on blue latex gloves. _((I have a latex allergy))_. He flexes his fingers like he knows.   


 

Silence. 

 

“Come back when you mean it”


	5. hybrid camellias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Some hybrid camellias are quite cold hardy... are very tolerant of sub-zero temperatures. The...plant...is both cold tolerant and spectacular in bloom at Christmastime when everything else has gone dormant._

It’s windy and his fingers are pushing roots and stems into a blue vase. The _((confused))_ beta swims in circles discovering the plant on every rotation. _((Something new))._

 

The chime rings and it’s him - standing in the doorway. _((Can I say [come back when you mean it]?))._

 

“Hello.”

 

“Hi _((again))_.” 

 

Silence. Theon chews and chews and chews until his lips are mangled in his mouth. Ramsay stands and eyes the flowers in the cooler.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

“Oh yes.” He’s answering finally. “I want one of those fish plant things.” 

 

“What colors?”

 

“Whichever.” 

 

“Red? Blue? Green? Yellow?”

 

“Whichever - it’s only going to die anyway.”

 

 


	6. astilbe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Astilbe may look delicate but they are tough. They are easy to grow and will live a long time in your garden._

While Theon’s stuffing the fish into the vase Ramsay’s watching. Theon selects a large black and red beta and eases it into the tank. Then he starts with the plant. Sleeves rolled up he eyes those _[scabs]_ marks and ventures a guess or two. 

 

“Suicidal?”

 

“Excuse me?” _[He looks surprised.]_

 

“Those.” 

 

He rolls down his sleeves after that and _[looks sad]_ keeps working with his cuffs dampening by the minute. The beta swimming around the roots, looking lost. 


	7. butterfly bush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _At its northern limits, the shrubs can die back, sometimes all the way to the ground. No matter. Butterfly bush is vigorous and undemanding and will send up new shoots... Note: Butterfly bush can be an invasive species in some areas; check with your local cooperative extension before planting._

“So are you going to talk about those?”

 

_ ((No thank you)).  _ Instead he tries “Is your food cold?” Theon’s fork pushes into a lukewarm pork dumpling. He shovels it into his mouth anyway and ignores the aftertaste of chilled pig. 

 

“Are you going to try again?”

 

_ ((Probably))  _ “Does Jon only give you a discount because of how shitty this food is?”

 

“I suggest jumping.” 

 

_ ((No. Thank you.)) _

 

Ramsay’s fork twirls thick brown noodles around the center of a plastic container. He makes no move to put them into his mouth. He just keeps twirling them. His eyes remain on the body across from him.  

 

“Don’t do it in the back - in the hollow. Nobody goes back there. It would take days for them to find you.”

 

“Can you pass the salt? I’ve never had under salted Chinese before.”

 

“If you jump aim for a car. Collateral damage. Haven’t you ever seen that photo of the woman who jumped from some roof somewhere and she’s just beautiful - just laying there all fanned out like some goddamn photoshoot.” 

 

_((I’d be famous))._ “Next time can you order some warm dumplings? Do they serve those?” 

 

“Can I see them?” His eyes pierce the sleeves. 

 

_ ((NO. Thank You.)) _

 

They eat the rest of the meal in silence. With Theon’s sleeves down. 


	8. tradescantias

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Tradescantias are valued for their stripes of white, green, silver, and purple colors in their leaves. They have trailing vines that flow from it’s base and are very easy to care for._

The next time Theon comes into the Flayed Man, Ramsay is in the back, a gentle buzz of a tattoo gun filling the mock quiet. If you listen really hard you can hear the Cure playing somewhere.

 

Theon helps himself. He just walks down the hallway and into the back room with it’s soft supple leather couches and even softer music.

 

Ramsay’s there, bending over some red haired woman _[with a cocaine problem]_. She smells like cloves and her eyes are shut. She doesn't really look like she's in pain.

 

_((looking for the victim shivering in bed))_

 

Ramsay  seems to know that Theon's just there - even if he made no indication of it until he speaks.

 

“You didn’t jump _[yet]_.”

 

“Not planning too. Who’s this?” 

 

“Jon’s girlfriend.”

 

“Bit wild huh?”

 

“Sure.”

 

She sits there and doesn’t make a noise, just sticks her wet pink tongue between her lips. She looks feral somehow. That just might be the effect of all that red hair. 

 

_((searching out fear in the gathering gloom and suddenly))_

 

“Does she have a name? Or speak?”

 

“Ygritte”  She finally speaks and her voice is thick with some kind of accent. Maybe Irish? A bit of Welsh thrown in for good measure. He could imagine her voice reading off those strangely long Welsh road warnings.

 

“Oh-kay.”

 

_((a movement in the corner of the room))_

 

"How long you two been together?"

 

"Seven months on the fourteenth."

 

Theon just shakes his head - his stomach flipping, his tongue craving a Xanax.

 

When they’re just about done Theon can finally see what’s been etched onto her skin. A lone wolf with arrows in his mouth. _Jon_ is written in fancy script underneath,

  
On his way out the door he noticed the fish is still swimming in it’s vase on his counter top.


	9. coneflowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Coneflowers are bright perennials, some of which are used in herbal remedies. These flowers are easy to care for, relatively drought-tolerant, and are good for cut flowers._

Theon’s sitting in his room _((more like a closet))_. It’s raining outside and it’s dark. Pitch black. His window over looks the _[hollow]_ center of the square. His room can look right into the back windows of the Flayed Man. 

 

He’s _((trying not to but still))_ looking right through the back window when his eyes look up and he notices the fire escape across from him - above the tattoo shop. That’s when he sees it and his heart stops for a second. _((Who’s that?))_

 

He panics. _((Just breath))_ Then his eyes adjust. It must be Ramsay. He still slips a Xanax between his lips. It’s dry going down but he can’t take his eyes away from the shape across from him. 

 

He flashes a tentative wave. 

  
The shape _((Ramsay))_ disappears through a window. 


	10. vered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _hebrew unisex name meaning "rose."_

They’re sitting outside, on the bench in front of the Flayed Man counting down the moments until midnight in the darkness. It’s still and cold. When Theon closes his eyes he can almost be on the beach, in an entirely different world maybe. He can’t resist breaking the moment. 

 

“Do you want to - go to a bar sometime?” 

 

_ [No. Thank you] _

 

“Depends. What bar?”

 

“Whichever. I’m still new here.”

 

“If I get you drunk will you talk about those?” 

 

_ ((Yeah, probably, maybe - yes.)) _

 

  
“We’ll see.”


	11. lotus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _anybody who has ever observed a lotus flower emerging from a murky pond cannot fail to see the beauty of this exquisite plant._

 

Theon ends up waiting around for Robb at his _((much too big))_ house. When Robb doesn’t come home, he lets himself in through the open patio door and sits downstairs watching Sansa do her rounds on the elliptical. She doesn't look up.   


 

She’s watching some video on Netflix about Kurt Cobain. He’s _((watching her))_ sitting on the floor beside her. His fingers pluck at the grey carpet and thinks if tonight counts as a date.   


 

She’s barefoot, her pink toes splayed out against the dark plastic. Her heels are arched, she seems to be barely sweating, but he can see small beads rolling down her toned calves. He could have married her but then he fucked up. He picks at the fibers under him.   


 

“So, there’s this guy…” Theon starts, thinking if he can at least talk to any Stark about his problems _((with Ramsay))_ it might help. It doesn’t seem like Sansa cares, or maybe she just really wants to watch her movie. 

 

By the time Theon finishes his story her timer has gone off twice - she has thus far ignored it almost artfully. She just keeps pushing through, her gingery hair falling out of it’s perfect pony tail in stray strands around her moist neck. 

 

“So, what should I do?” He’s all nervous energy. She doesn’t even look at him. Her wide eyes are glued onto the screen, her lips form a perfect O as she exhales. Her legs pump another round.   


 

“Do you think she did it?”

 

“What?”

 

“Courtney Love. Did she kill him? She had to have."  

 

Theon just lets himself out as she keeps going around in circles. 


	12. black eyed susan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _fun, flirty, and charming...add in a flair of happiness..._

Ramsay hates bar stools. _[and bars, and people.]_ Theon seems to love them.  His wilted petals bloom in the haze of stale smoke and sticky wood-grain table tops. Sitting on his stools, swaying side to side, he's as simple as they come. He tries to feed a dollar into an iTunes machine in the corner but stumbles three times getting there - then feeds it his twenty instead. So they’re stuck listening to  _ Hurt _ by Nine Inch Nails for the next ninety seven minutes. 

 

Now he’s crying and _[almost]_ everyone is gone - so it’s _[almost]_ okay. His tears flood his cheap beer. At some point he ordered a bucket designed for at least two people _[32oz of pineapple vodka, cake vodka, cherries, and ice blended together and he still smells like a fruit salad left out in the sun]_. He’s done shots with strangers. He’s sipped tap beer out of pint glasses. 

 

It’s no wonder he can’t see straight. He clutches Ramsay’s hand - feeling in the darkened room in his near blindness. 

 

“One more shot. One more then we can go.” _[Didn’t you have enough?]_

 

Ramsay will learn one more is never enough. _[If I hear Hurt one more time…]_

 

Theon gets a blowjob _[flirting?]_ and masterfully sucks it down _[nice]_ without the use of his hands _[very nice]._ Whipped cream dots his nose. Ramsay doesn’t bother removing it. Just tugging him out of the bar and into the car.


	13. tea rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _i'll remember always_
> 
> happy valentines day!

It’s raining and Theon can’t see much _((blurs and colors and lights))_ but Ramsay is there. Something like an anchor so he doesn't drift away. They were driving but now he can’t seem to get out of the car. He keeps trying to get up and flopping back down in his seat _((foiled again))_. He tastes pineapple liquor in his throat and gags a bit before somebody _((Ramsay?))_ helps him to his feet and out of the rain. 

 

Into the Flayed Man. They’re sitting down somewhere. It could be the floor or the couch or the roof but it’s not. _((It’s the back room.))_

 

Ramsay doesn’t even have to say anything, Theon’s swaying from side to side unable to keep upright. Then his sleeves are rolled up past his elbows and suddenly he’s sobbing. Sobbing so loud he’s sure _((his dad will wake up and beat the shit out of him))_ somebody will hear him. So he tries to stop and instead ends up gagging on his snot in the back of his throat.

 

“Tell me about them.”

 

_((No.))_ Silence. 

 

“Theon.” Ramsay’s fingers on his arm, feeling the old scabs. Touching the dried brown crust that never heals right. 

 

It’s all it takes, is one word. His own fucking name. Only it's said with reverence _((like a prayer))._  


 

"Only if you do something for me first." His face is soaked, his words are slurred.   


 

"Anything." 


	14. larkspur

 

 

Theon has always been a horny drunk. He remembers finally mustering up the courage to fuck his first girlfriend at the age of fourteen once he had downed two bottles of Boone’s Farm Blue Hawaiian and he couldn’t feet his fingertips anymore. It had tasted like sunscreen going down and coming up later that night.   


 

She was seventeen. Her hair was the color of a ripe strawberry and her mouth tasted like licorice. When she spread her legs for Theon in the back of her father's car he swore he had seen heaven.   


 

Giving his first blowjob at fifteen followed much the same _((only with three bottles))._

 

Now that he can’t see much he just reaches out with his fingers towards the only thing close to him. It _((just so happens))_ ends up being Ramsay, his fingers still wrapped around his _((damaged))_ arms. 

 

He just leans in and hopes he can aim for lips. 

 

There was a time when Ramsay would take this chance _[and take Theon along with it]._  He honestly doesn’t give a fuck about the morals. What he cares about is getting him to _[jump]_ do it _[the right way]_. 

 

So he leans in just a bit, his fingers ghosting over cuts  _[they call those hesitation marks]_ and letting lips meet in something that can be confused with kindness.. Theon’s hand finally pulls out of Ramsay’s grip, and ends up palming his jeans - kneading for a hardness that isn’t _[fully]_ there yet.  Ramsay stops him. 

 

“Tell me all about it, first."  


End file.
